Wedding Planning Checklist

Roka

The roka is the first function: both families formally agree to the match, usually in a small gathering at home. Fix a date, keep the guest list short, and ask elders what gifts, sweets and shagun each side usually gives. It often happens a year or more before the wedding, and many families fix the muhurat around this time.

Engagement (sagai and tilak)

The sagai is the ring ceremony. Some families also hold a tilak, where the bride's family visits the groom's home to bless him. Plan the venue, rings, outfits and gifts 6–9 months ahead. If the engagement is only days before the wedding, move these tasks closer in the tool.

Haldi

At the haldi, family members put turmeric paste on the bride and groom for blessings and a glow. It's usually at home, a day or two before the wedding. Sort out the turmeric and other items, simple marigold decor, outfits that can get stained and a space where stains don't matter. Do a skin patch test first.

Mehndi

At the mehndi, artists draw henna designs on the bride's hands and feet, and often on guests too. Book the artists 4–6 months ahead in peak season, and ask how many guests each artist can do per hour. Plan low seating, shade, easy snacks and music. Many brides hold it a day or two before the wedding, because the colour keeps getting darker for two or three days.

Sangeet

The sangeet is an evening of songs and dances by family and friends. Book the venue early if it's separate. Book a choreographer 4–6 months ahead, fix the songs and performers 2–3 months ahead, and book the stage, sound and lights. Practise in the last month and hold one full rehearsal with the running order.

Cocktail party

A pre-wedding party with music and drinks. Book the venue, DJ and bar service, and ask the venue whether you need a licence to serve alcohol. Many states ask for a one-day licence for events, and the rules differ by state. Arrange cabs so no guest drives after drinking.

Baraat

The baraat is the groom's procession to the venue with a band, dhol and dancing, often with the groom on a ghodi (horse). Book the ghodi, band and dhol 4–6 months ahead. Many cities need police permission for a procession or a loudspeaker, and outdoor loudspeakers must stop by 10 pm. Baraats often run late, so add at least an hour.

Wedding ceremony: varmala, kanyadaan and pheras

The varmala (also called jaimala) is the exchange of garlands. In kanyadaan, the bride's parents give her hand to the groom. In the pheras, the couple walk around the sacred fire while the pandit recites the vows. The number of rounds differs by community, and seven is common. Book the pandit 9–12 months ahead, get the samagri list 2–3 months ahead, and choose the mandap (the canopy for the rituals) with your decorator. Rituals can take hours, so plan shade, water and seats for elders.

Vidaai

The vidaai is the bride's farewell from her family home. Fix a realistic time, decorate the car, and ask an elder about your family's customs.

Griha pravesh

The griha pravesh is the welcome of the bride into the groom's family home. The groom's family usually prepares an aarti thali and a kalash (pot) of rice, and some families add games. Steps differ by family, so ask elders.

Reception

The reception is a party after the wedding where guests meet the couple. Book the venue 9–12 months ahead, then plan the stage, music and the couple's entry.

South Indian Hindu weddings

South Indian weddings differ by state and community. Many hold the muhurtham (the wedding at the auspicious time) in the early morning, so plan hair, makeup and guest travel to match. Common tasks are booking nadaswaram and thavil musicians (traditional in Tamil weddings), buying silk sarees and veshti, ordering the thali or mangalsutra, and planning a traditional meal on banana leaves. Pre-wedding rituals and their names change by region, so ask elders on both sides.

Sikh weddings (Anand Karaj)

The Anand Karaj takes place in the presence of the Guru Granth Sahib, often in the morning. Four laavan (hymns) are sung, and the couple walks around the Guru Granth Sahib after each one. The Akal Takht, the highest Sikh authority, has said the Anand Karaj should be held in a gurdwara, not at a resort or banquet hall. Book the gurdwara early and ask about its rules for head coverings, timing, photos and the meal. The Sikh code of conduct says the date should not be picked by horoscope: choose a day that suits both families. Many Punjabi families also hold the chunni ceremony, maiyan (a turmeric ritual), the jaggo night, the milni where relatives of both families greet each other, and the doli (the bride's farewell).

Muslim weddings (Nikah)

At the nikah, the bride and groom each give their consent (ijab and qubool) in front of witnesses, and the marriage contract is signed. A qazi or imam usually leads it. Book the qazi early, agree the mehr (a gift or sum the groom gives the bride, which is hers alone) between the families, choose witnesses and check the nikahnama (the marriage contract) for spellings. The rukhsati is the bride's farewell, and the walima is the feast after the nikah, hosted by the groom or his family. Other customs differ by region, sect and family.

Christian weddings

For a church wedding, book the church and meet the priest or pastor early. Many churches ask couples to join a marriage preparation course and to bring documents such as a recent baptism certificate. Catholic churches usually read banns (an announcement of the wedding) on three Sundays before the wedding. Ask your parish what it needs. Choose readings, hymns and the choir, and hold a rehearsal before the day. Some Goan and Mangalorean families also hold a roce before the wedding.

Court and registered marriage

For a court marriage, decide which law you'll marry under and ask your local registrar for the list of papers. Under the Special Marriage Act, you give notice to the Marriage Officer of the district where one of you has lived for at least 30 days. The marriage can take place once 30 days have passed and within 3 months of the notice, and you sign a declaration with three witnesses. Rules and forms differ by state, so check with your local registrar.

Planning in 6 months

• Month 1: fix the date and budget, book the venue, caterer and photographer, and book the pandit or officiant.
• Month 2: book makeup, decor and music, start outfits, and send save-the-dates.
• Month 3: buy jewellery, book the mehndi artist and baraat band, and fix the invitation wording.
• Month 4: menu tasting, invitations out, first fittings and the makeup trial.
• Month 5: confirm vendors, chase replies, final fittings and payments list.
• Month 6: final count, timeline, packing and the emergency kit.

Choose ready-made outfits if custom work won't be ready in time.

Planning in 3 months

Focus on what you can't skip: date, venue and food, a photographer, the priest or officiant, outfits and invitations. Book all of these in the first two weeks. Send invitations by WhatsApp or e-invite. Keep the number of functions small, or hold two on one day, such as haldi in the morning and mehndi in the afternoon. Things that can go: the pre-wedding shoot, custom favours, a separate cocktail party and themed decor for every function.

On the wedding day

• Eat a proper meal and keep water nearby.
• Keep one person in charge of rings, documents and cash.
• Ask one person to collect gifts and envelopes, with a notebook of who gave what.
• Give your phone to someone you trust.
• Ask friends to share their phone photos in one place.

Wedding emergency kit list

Pack these in one pouch and give it to a calm friend:

• Safety pins, bobby pins and a small sewing kit
• Double-sided fashion tape and a small pair of scissors
• Pain relief, plasters, antacids and any medicines you take
• Tissues, wet wipes, blotting paper and a spare lipstick
• Deodorant, a small perfume and mints
• Phone charger and a power bank
• A small snack, a water bottle and a straw (for drinking without smudging lipstick)
• The timeline, vendor numbers and some cash in small notes